: #Laughs Traveling faster than light, but left his sneakers behind.

Posted in: #Laughs

#Laughs Traveling faster than light, but left his sneakers behind.

Traveling without a passport/towel.

Trips over cordless phones.

Truck can't haul a full load.

Trying out for the javelin retrieval team.

Tuning in shortwave with a TV antenna.

Two bits shy of a word/dollar.

Two chapters short of a novel.

Two degrees off square.

Two inches taller than spherical.

Two saucers short of a tea-service.

Two sheep short of a sweater.

Two socks short of a pair.

Two suits short of a full deck.

(A half-wit.) Types 120 words a minute but her keyboard isn't plugged in.

Ugly as a warthog and half as smart.

Unclear which of Newton's three laws of motion keeps his ears apart.

Understands English as well as any parrot.

Used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

Useful as a chocolate teapot.

Useful as a football bat.

Useful as a hip pocket on a T-shirt.

Useful as a kickstand on a horse.

Useful as a mint-flavored suppository.

Useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle.

Useful as dinosaur repellent.

Useful as tits on a bullfrog / bull / boar-hog.

Uses all three functional neurons for his best work.

Uses his head best for rolling Easter eggs.

Uses his head to keep the rain out of his neck.