: #Laughs A new York Divorce Lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates.

Posted in: #Laughs

#Laughs A new York Divorce Lawyer died
and
arrived at the pearly gates.

Saint Peter asks him "What have you

done to merit entrance into Heaven?" The Lawyer thought a moment, then

said, "A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the

street." Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the record, and

after a moment Gabriel affirmed that this was true.

Saint
Peter said, "Well , that's fine, but it's not really quite
enough
to get you into Heaven." The Lawyer said, "Wait Wait! There's

more! Three years ago I also gave a homeless person a quarter." Saint

Peter nodded to Gabriel, who after a moment nodded back, affirming this,

too, had been verified.

Saint Peter then whispered to
Gabriel, "Well, what do you suggest we
do with this fellow?"

Gabriel gave the Lawyer a sidelong glance, then said to Saint Peter,

"Let's give him back his 50 cents and tell him to go to Hell."

Each man gives a story
Three men were standing in line to
get into heaven one day.

Apparently
it had been a pretty busy day,
though, so Peter had to tell the first
one, "Heaven's getting
pretty close to full today, and I've been
asked to admit only people
who have had particularly horrible deaths.

So
what's your story?"

So the first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my
wife
has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to
catch her
red-handed.

As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I
could tell
something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't
reveal where this
other guy could have been hiding.

Finally, I went
out to the balcony, and
sure enough, there was this man hanging off
the railing, 25 floors
above ground! By now I was really mad, so I
started beating on him and
kicking him, but wouldn't you know it,
he wouldn't fall off.

So finally I
went back into my apartment
and got a hammer and starting hammering on
his fingers.

Of
course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go
and fell -- but
even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned
but okay.

I
couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen,
grabbed the
fridge and threw it over the edge where it landed on him,
killing
him instantly.

But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a

heart attack and died there on the balcony."

"That sounds like a
pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the
man in.

The
second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being

full, and again asks for his story.

"It's been a very strange
day.

You see, I live on the 26th floor of
my apartment building, and
every morning I do my exercises out on my
balcony.

Well, this
morning I must have slipped or something, because I
fell over the edge.

But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the
balcony on the f
loor below me.

I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when

suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony.

I thought for sure I was

saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me.

I held on the best

I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and

started pounding on my hands.

Finally I just let go, but again I got
lucky
and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right.

Just
when I was
thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes
falling out of
the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I'm
here."

Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a
pretty
horrible death.

The third man came to the front of the
line, and again Peter explained
that heaven was full and asked for
his story.

"Picture this," says the third man, "I'm hiding
inside a
refrigerator..."