
: #Laughs ---------------------- BLOOD IS THICKER THAN WATER AND TASTIER, TOO.
#Laughs ---------------------- BLOOD IS THICKER THAN WATER AND TASTIER, TOO.
---------------------- FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION! It comes bundled with the software.
---------------------- I want to die while asleep like my Grandfather, not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
----------------------- I can't dial911.
There's no 11 on my phone.
------------------------ Kentucky: Five Million People, Fifteen Last Names.
----------------------- JESUS LOVES YOU.
It's everybody else that thinks you're an ass.
----------------------- I married Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was, "Always".
----------------------- What is a free gift? Aren't all gifts free? ------------------------ Can you yell "MOVIE!" in a crowded firestation? ------------------------ It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
------------------------ If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy? ------------------------ 1955 - 1975: 36 Elvis Movies.
1975 - 1998: Nothing.
------------------------- I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
---------------------- When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.
---------------------- Don't get married.
Find someone you hate and buy them a house.
----------------------- Be nice to your kids.
They'll choose your nursing home.
------------------------ I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months.
I don't like to interrupt her.
----------------------- Very funny, Scotty.
Now beam down my clothes.
----------------------- Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
Or, dirty martini holder.
----------------------- A closed mouth gathers no foot.
----------------------- The trouble with life is there's no background music.
----------------------- THE BILL OF RIGHTS...
(Void where prohibited by law) ----------------------- If women can have PMS, then men can have ESPN.
----------------------- The latest survey shows that three out of four people make up 75% of the population.
------------------------- First draw the curve, then plot the data.
------------------------- A FOOL AND HIS MONEY can throw one hell of a party.
----------------------- IF THERE IS NO GOD, WHO POPS UP THE NEXT KLEENEX? ----------------------- When blondes have more fun do they know it? ----------------------- REMEMBER, HALF THE PEOPLE IN THE WORLD ARE BELOW AVERAGE.
----------------------- What happens if you get scared half to death twice? ----------------------- WHERE THERE'S SMOKE, THERE'S DINNER.
----------------------- OTHER THAN THAT, MRS..
LINCOLN, HOW WAS THE PLAY? ----------------------- Losing a wife can be hard.
In my case it was almost impossible.
-----------------------
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