Tag: Laughs

: #Laughs There was this kid who wanted to divorce his parents, so he takes them to court.The judge says, "do you want to live with your dad?" the kid says "no! he beats me!".

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: #Laughs After seeing a documentary on how inner city youths can remove the wheels of cars in under 4 seconds with no specialist equipment, the McLaren team decided to fire their pit crew and hire four of the youths as most races can be won or l

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: #Laughs 3 buddies die in a car crash, they go to heaven to an orientation.They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family aremourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?The first guy says, "I would like to hea

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: #Laughs I wish I was one of your tears, so I could be born in your eye, run down your cheek, and die on your lips.Did you know they changed the alphabet? They put U and I together.Can I borrow that quarter, 'cause my mom told me to call home when I fell i

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: #Laughs Three blondes were driving down the highway trying to get to Disneyland.

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: #Laughs What do you call a man with 90% of his intelligence gone?Divorced

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: #Laughs On the way home from the party, the woman said to her husband, "Have I ever told you how handsome and sexy and irresistible to women you are?""Why no," said the husband, flattered."Then what the hell gave you that idea at the party?!" she yelled.

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: #Laughs Dear Heavenly Father,I think you'd be proud of me! So far today I've done all right.

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: #Laughs What is the best kind of dog to ask for directions? A Chihuahua, because it knows all the shortcuts!

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: #Laughs A ducks walks into a bar and asks, "Got any grapes?" The bartender, confused, tells the ducks that no, his bar doesn't serve grapes.

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: #Laughs There was a boy riding on his bike outside a church.The priest saw him and told him to come into the church and the boy said,"...But they'll steal my bike."The priest explained how the Holy Spirit would take care of it, so they went inside.The pri

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: #Laughs Two pieces of string walk into a bar.

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: #Laughs |What is the maggot army called?The Apple Corps!

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: #Laughs A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their wedding anniversary.

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: #Laughs |An F-111 was flying escort with a B-52 and generally making a nuisance of himself by flying rolls around the lumbering old bomber.The message for the B-52 crew was, "Anything you can do, I can do better."Not to be outdone, the bomber pilot announ

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: #Laughs Q.

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: #Laughs Who said "Shiver me timbers!" on the ghost ship? The skeleton crew.

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: #Laughs Two young couples marry the same day and, being all friends, leave together for honeymoon to stay at the same Hotel in Venice, door to door.The next morning, the two brand new husbands step out on their balconies to have a breath of fresh air."So?

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: #Laughs Did you hear about the Jewish doctor who gave a patient six months to live?When the patient couldn't pay, the doctor gave him another six months.

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: #Laughs Diner: Waiter, please close the window. Waiter: Why, is there a draft? Diner: Yes, it's blown my steak off the plate three times.

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: #Laughs There was this kid who wanted to divorce his parents, so he takes them to court.The judge says, "do you want to live with your dad?" the kid says "no! he beats me!".

: #Laughs After seeing a documentary on how inner city youths can remove the wheels of cars in under 4 seconds with no specialist equipment, the McLaren team decided to fire their pit crew and hire four of the youths as most races can be won or l

: #Laughs 3 buddies die in a car crash, they go to heaven to an orientation.They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family aremourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?The first guy says, "I would like to hea

: #Laughs I wish I was one of your tears, so I could be born in your eye, run down your cheek, and die on your lips.Did you know they changed the alphabet? They put U and I together.Can I borrow that quarter, 'cause my mom told me to call home when I fell i

: #Laughs Three blondes were driving down the highway trying to get to Disneyland.

: #Laughs What do you call a man with 90% of his intelligence gone?Divorced

: #Laughs On the way home from the party, the woman said to her husband, "Have I ever told you how handsome and sexy and irresistible to women you are?""Why no," said the husband, flattered."Then what the hell gave you that idea at the party?!" she yelled.

: #Laughs Dear Heavenly Father,I think you'd be proud of me! So far today I've done all right.

: #Laughs What is the best kind of dog to ask for directions? A Chihuahua, because it knows all the shortcuts!

: #Laughs A ducks walks into a bar and asks, "Got any grapes?" The bartender, confused, tells the ducks that no, his bar doesn't serve grapes.

: #Laughs There was a boy riding on his bike outside a church.The priest saw him and told him to come into the church and the boy said,"...But they'll steal my bike."The priest explained how the Holy Spirit would take care of it, so they went inside.The pri

: #Laughs Two pieces of string walk into a bar.

: #Laughs |What is the maggot army called?The Apple Corps!

: #Laughs A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their wedding anniversary.

: #Laughs |An F-111 was flying escort with a B-52 and generally making a nuisance of himself by flying rolls around the lumbering old bomber.The message for the B-52 crew was, "Anything you can do, I can do better."Not to be outdone, the bomber pilot announ

: #Laughs Q.

: #Laughs Who said "Shiver me timbers!" on the ghost ship? The skeleton crew.

: #Laughs Two young couples marry the same day and, being all friends, leave together for honeymoon to stay at the same Hotel in Venice, door to door.The next morning, the two brand new husbands step out on their balconies to have a breath of fresh air."So?

: #Laughs Did you hear about the Jewish doctor who gave a patient six months to live?When the patient couldn't pay, the doctor gave him another six months.

: #Laughs Diner: Waiter, please close the window. Waiter: Why, is there a draft? Diner: Yes, it's blown my steak off the plate three times.

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